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Last week my mom figured out how to use their scanner, and posted some pictures – including some of my first sky dive – which was my 17th birthday present. I say `first` because I jumped something like 3 or 4 times total, and even landed (no pun intended) a job packing parachutes – but that's another story altogether.

I am by no means a skydiving expert, and if you are considering jumping out of a plane you should:

• Get proper training from a licensed instructor,
• Have good insurance naming me as the beneficiary, and
• Stop by my house for high fives.

That said, even the most novice among us can learn a few things after only a single death defying hurdle from sky to earth. In retrospect, this first lesson should have been pretty obvious. When you jump out of a plane from a mile up, you reach terminal velocity – 120mph – in a matter of seconds. When wind is rushing up your nose at 120mph for the duration of your flight – about 60 seconds; it's pretty likely that anything hiding in there is going to come out.

And for that reason, lesson number one is: Blow your nose, and blow it well.

Sadly, I don't have any pictures of my snot-covered nose, so this one of me with the wind rushing up my nostrils at 120mph will have to suffice.

Now, you may have already figured out what lesson two is based simply on the above picture. Simply put, if you are built like a little girl, expect to have to wear a girls jumpsuit. That's right, my jumpsuit was pink. I think I may have gained 15 pounds since this picture was taken over 8 years ago. Alternatively, you can become sedentary and eat nothing but the Baconator, in which case you can choose from a wide variety of green and orange and blue jumpsuits.The choice is yours.

Pretty in Pink

Lastly, and most importantly if you want to be macho and keep your pink jumpsuit clean, is: while landing, don't look down!

I took an 8 hour course that day before they ever let me set foot in my pretty pink jumpsuit, and not once did they mention that when landing you should look out in front of you – below the horizon but not directly underneath yourself, to get an idea of how far up you are.

Again, this may seem kind of obvious, to you now, sitting at home with gravity firmly gripping your buttocks in the seat… but if you just fell a mile out of the sky, the ground is about the only thing on your mind and it's pretty damn hard not to look down. Only after I had bitten the dust on my first few jumps did anyone mention that you should look forward.

They do teach you how to fall without breaking your ankles though, which is helpful.

So there you have it. You are now equipped with the knowledge of how to make your first sky dive much less emasculating and mucousy.