I change my mind, I hate winter.
Winter used to be my favorite season. I love snowboarding and back when I was in Boy Scouts we went at least once a year. I even made attempts to go frequently while in college. It even remains my favorite winter activity after having fractured my wrist and hip on separate occasions.
But it's come to the point where the evils of winter outweigh the graces. Dry skin, early sunset (shorter days), and worst of all: STATIC ELECTRICITY.
Everything is on the war path with me. If my autopsy doesn't show that my cause of death was heart attack induced by static shock, I'll be very surprised. Well, I'll be dead, but you get the idea.
The worst is cars. All of them. Every time I get out of a car I get shocked when I touch the door to close it. Sometimes if I'm in and out of the car a lot in one day I'll get out and kick the door shut rather than touching it. And when I do work up the bravery to touch a car door, I wince right before my hand reaches it. Every time. I'm conditioned to. I've been working on touching the door with my knee first (for some reason knees are immune to static shock?) so I'm grounded first or whatever – and most of the time that works out decently. But sometimes, when it goes badly, I feel like one of the ridiculously bad contestants from the first week of "So You Think You Can Dance" trying to pull off some strange dance move and failing miserably.
Last night I got shocked touching the "start" button for the timer on our stove. My entire finger stung for a good 30 seconds.
Now mind you, I go out of my way to avoid static. I use two dryer sheets in every load of laundry, and I use Static Guard or spray myself with a little bit of water while getting dressed if I feel particularly static-y.
Here's a list of other things that have shocked me so far this winter:
But it's come to the point where the evils of winter outweigh the graces. Dry skin, early sunset (shorter days), and worst of all: STATIC ELECTRICITY.
Everything is on the war path with me. If my autopsy doesn't show that my cause of death was heart attack induced by static shock, I'll be very surprised. Well, I'll be dead, but you get the idea.
The worst is cars. All of them. Every time I get out of a car I get shocked when I touch the door to close it. Sometimes if I'm in and out of the car a lot in one day I'll get out and kick the door shut rather than touching it. And when I do work up the bravery to touch a car door, I wince right before my hand reaches it. Every time. I'm conditioned to. I've been working on touching the door with my knee first (for some reason knees are immune to static shock?) so I'm grounded first or whatever – and most of the time that works out decently. But sometimes, when it goes badly, I feel like one of the ridiculously bad contestants from the first week of "So You Think You Can Dance" trying to pull off some strange dance move and failing miserably.
Last night I got shocked touching the "start" button for the timer on our stove. My entire finger stung for a good 30 seconds.
Now mind you, I go out of my way to avoid static. I use two dryer sheets in every load of laundry, and I use Static Guard or spray myself with a little bit of water while getting dressed if I feel particularly static-y.
Here's a list of other things that have shocked me so far this winter:
- Kissing wifey (we now touch hands before kissing to avoid burning our lips off)
- My cubicle at work
- Door handles
- The cat
- The dishwasher
- The vacuum
- The conveyer belt at the grocery store checkout
- Shopping carts
- The ATM
- The gas pump (this sounds very dangerous!)
Recent Comments